On Me Dawning

I don't know why I didn't recognize it earlier. On their own, men and/or boys are rather intelligent, well-behaved and civil. Their manners are in the front part of the mind. Adding another male into the situation (probably excepting religious gatherings) and amazingly stupidity starts cracking through. It's mysterious, however it happens. Oh, it happens. Add enough females and it's cured. My, what power we have.

This morning I was driving a 55 pax motorcoach to Seward, AK from Anchorage, AK, and the Northern Lights (aurora Borealis) were pale green and slicing through the stars like a mad-crazed heavenly butcher was stabbing at the earth. They were switching and hopping and squirming a furiously sensuous dance. Did you ever think the sky might have a mating season, too?? I've heard the Elk's bugle call lately, so, ya never know... I even saw a shooting star.

That's probably the last time I'll drive the entire Seward Highway twice in one day.

Ah, Another Day in Bikini Bottom

(About the title of this post, it has nothing to do with the post, I just like Spongebob Squarepants. He lives in Bikini Bottom and at the beginning of some episodes this french artist voice narrates "Ah, another day in Bikini Bottom." And I just want to say, "Ah, another day in the life of me.")

Most of us don't know it, but when a woman becomes a mother she is given unlimited access to orders of chill pills for her children. She can distribute them as she feels necessary with or without the child's knowledge, or just take them herself. Yes, mothers have inherent gifts, many of them, but some of their soothing capabilities do not come naturally. Only when they have children do other gifts readily develop sometimes quite mysteriously to most onlookers. At any rate, you're probably wondering how I found out. I found out today, actually, as I contemplated the tightness of the pooh holes of some of my roommates. They are sisters. I also live here with my sister and then three other girls. It suddenly became apparent that these two other sisters have never taken (or been given) chill pills. Now, just so you know, chill pills are taken orally, not anally; however, chill pills definitely affect the tightness thereof.

Here's what happened. My mom had some slightly tight children before me and I think she took a few chill pills herself while she was pregnant with me and then continued giving them to me pretty much daily until I have become quite the tyrant to schedule, order, and/or seriousness. This way I was drugged by my mother has caused the reason for today's post, and it happened like this.

I didn't load my dishes in the dishwasher because there was room in the sink, because I had to run off to work, because of something, and like an annoying pop-up came a sticky note above the sink soon after the practice had been occurring maybe some couple weeks. It said something like "dirty dishes in the sink are disgusting! We have a dishwasher, use it!" Growing up I really only saw an empty, clean sink on Sundays. So, I tried to conform to their non-disgusting preferences, but it gets kind of tiring squeezing the hole shut that much, so again, I reverted to the chill pill killed areas of my character. Up came this note, typed and printed (we have a computer w/internet at the house but not a printer, so they went to great lengths) on 8 1/2" by 11" with a picture of a football helmet(?) on the bottom:

A Few Friendly Guidelines for Living With 7 Other Girls

1. Do your own dumb dishes and wipe up your own messes...despite popular belief, no one wants to clean up after you or do your dishes... we have a dishwasher, so there's no excuses for anyone being the messy kid!!

2.Don't leave clutter in the living room, on kitchen counters or on the bathroom counters... these are community living spaces, and let's be honest, no one really wants to be stumbling over your belongings or picking up after you!?!

3. The bathroom is for showering and using the bathroom...so ease up on the long spa treatments, ladies! Get ready in the living room if others are around... and p.s.... clean up your own hair after you shower, and p.s.s... when you shower ALWAYS have the fan on, otherwise we'll have mildew taking over our lives...or at least our bathroom ceiling. :)

Many thanks for abiding by these simple guidelines... we love you all, and there are no other girls we'd rather be packed in an apartment like sardines with!! :) cheers!!

(football helmet)

I read it once; was rather disgusted by it. It was screaming with bossy "we only have three girls in our bedroom which is the bigger bedroom with a walk in closet because we make you give us your money for rent" ridiculous attitude all over it. (We have a two bedroom apartment, one bathroom, 7 girls. You understand the need for a few chill pills in this environment.) The bold items remained while all [items] were barred by permanent marker (black).

So I got my english-major, chill pill O.D. revenge on them. This piece of paper tacked in the wall above the sink that would never be read a second time in its original print was...edited. dun dun dun!!!

A Few Friendly [Guidelines for Living With 7] Other Girls

1. [Do] Your own [dumb] dishes [and wipe up your own messes...] despite popular belief, [no one wants to] clean up after you [or do your dishes... we have] A dishwasher[,] so [there's no] excuses [for] anyone being [the] messy [kid]!!

2.Don't leave [clutter in] the living room, [on] kitchen [counters] or [on] the bathroom [counters] ... these are community living spaces, and let's be honest, no one really wants [to be stumbling over your belongings or picking up after ] you![?]!

3. The bathroom is for show[ering] and using [the bathroom...so ease up on the] Long [spa treatments,] ladies[!] Get ready in the living room if others are around... and p.s.... clean [up] your [own] hair after you shower, and p.s.s... when you shower ALWAYS have the fan on, otherwise we'll have [mildew taking over] our lives...or at least our bathroom [ceiling]. :)

Many thanks [for abiding by these simple guidelines...] we love you all, and [there are] no other girls [we'd rather be ] packed [in] an apartment like sardines [with]!! :) [c]hee[rs]!!

(football helmet)

Well, the tight sisters read this wisely edited version of their well-thought, hard-worked list of guidelines with their bum cheeks getting closer all the while and the eldest stormed into her big bedroom with their shared double decker air mattress, complaining that it made no sense, in a violated tone. See what I mean? They didn't take it as a joke; they couldn't, quite frankly, and I pity them. As for myself, I was never going to read the rules again let alone follow them after the first time, so I figured making it funny would be, well, fun. But no, and life goes on, more stuffy and awkward than ever. Because I can chill and just do things their way for a month or two more (and out of fear just knowing I did a smart ass thing), I make an extra effort now to do my dishes and clean up my messes and let other people use the bathroom that's for showering using the bathroom....man, I was so sick of these: .... (I'll only admit that some revisions on paragraph three honestly make no sense.)

If it's really such a big deal, let's just do this:

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God (or not), indivisible (...or not), with liberty and justice for all.

Hooray!

There's a written test at the DMV in Anchorage, AK that I had to take in order to get my CDL learners permit so I could start driving big ol' motor coaches around town. Yesterday, Thursday, the last day of June I passed the test. It wasn't written, exactly because it's touch screen...but I touched enough of the right multiple choice answers to pass. Third time's a charm... Watch out Alaska roadsters.

p.s. I haven't taken a shower all month. ;)

I'm sitting here

I have on white capris with no back pockets, a black undershirt that is about five inches longer than the gray t-shirt over it, and I'm sitting here. The clothes on my body cover the skin that covers and keeps together all my insides from gushing forth and spilling all over the keyboard, table and carpet. Inside my skin there's a place that thinks really hard and makes my decisions. Today I dressed in honor of that place. Always, in order to make a decision there has to be a choice between two or more things. Most usually the choice is black or white. Gray matter makes all my black and white decisions for me.

I'm sitting here in front of this computer and the computer is sitting in front of a window with a dirty window sill. Crusty bug body casings and dust and dirt form a soft layer across the wood sill. (Could we call it sillt?) There's a really big flying ant that is attempting skull crushing dives to the outside world through the window. With each take off a puff of dust rolls like dry waves across the sillty beach.

Next to the speaker a fly just landed. It's now rubbing its front legs together, but first it was itching its butt and wings with its back legs. I remember almost killing a fly once but all I succeeded in doing was smearing its butt guts everywhere, but it still flew away. I bet it died eventually. Especially since that was probably over a year ago when it happened.

Speaking of a year ago, I was in a crappy relationship. It ended July 13, 2004 on his birthday. He got his birthday kiss from another girl.

The fly is still there. What is it doing? They're so disgusting.

a one and a two and a one two three...

I slid from the un-epiduraled body of a great lady who has fantastic food storage supplying habits on June 8, 1984 at 4:36pm in Torrance, California. More than 21 years this heart has been pumping. Once it was broken. More than 21 years this brain has been snapping. More times than it could ever count it has mapped me through uncharted experiences, for each second that comes is new to be sorted and filed or discarded.

How many:
times have my lungs delivered air to my blood?
people have I forgotten?
miles have I spread my long stride over the ground?
tons of food have I eaten?
gallons of water have been filtered through my kidneys?
tears have I cried?
times has my nose passed a flower that needed considering?
laughs has my life inspired?
cuts, bruises, scrapes, bandaids?
dollars would I have if I was suddenly refunded all the money I ever spent on candy before the age of 15?
lies have I told?
thoughts have I formed into words?

Land of the Midnight Sun

Sure, some people go to Hawaii for the summer to get that greaaaaat tan and because it's so beautiful and the natives sing sweet sultry tunes with their ukeleles...but what these people don't realize is how puny those islands are and how few bears, moose and caribou there are and they definitely don't have eskimos on street corners holding cardboard signs and how if you really want a tan you need lots of sun, right? Well, baby, where I'm going the sun hardly stops during the summer. And anyway, I might not blog for a while, not that all ye many that read my blog will be broken hearted not to see lame comments keep showing up. But I'll.....miss you all when I'm fishing while sun bathing at 11:00pm between a moose and a griz. lata

If falling down the stairs didn't hurt, I'd fall down them all the time.

My Webster

Every once in a while I'll find myself a word that isn't in any current dictionary (see the name of my blog...) and I really think it should be. Here are a couple of examples:

The latest:
Scandalism-how great would that be?

Smeft-blind people can't see, deaf people can't hear, smeft people can't smell...

easlier-just a slimy way of saying "more easily"

and i also think "ness" should be a word by itself, meaning exactly what it means on the end of any word as "-ness", meaning the state, quality, condition or degree of something, but sometimes it just seems so appropriate by itself.

That's all for now.

I am willing to be wrong except when I'm right.