What is Drastic + Dramatic

Monday, May 19, 2008

Twisty Review: looks are deceiving

My boyfriend and I go to a restaurant in Heber City, Utah called Spin Cafe. Our waiter introduces himself as Twitch (well, I'm pretty sure. I didn't want to double check like an idiot..."did you say Twitch?.) His first words are, "here's the bad news." My, how discomforting that is! I never thought what that could feel like, because I'd never heard it in the restaurant setting before. He continues with a list of items they're out of for the night. Talk about your first impressions! Jeez, Twitch. That's not so bad. He does the best he can, I guess.

But, if the food's not great, it's not great.


It wasn't great. We take our seats, and just looking at our menus, Ty has already hit his elbow twice on the poorly designed and chosen floor chair. I'm sitting pin straight on the booth seat. We ask Twitch if it's alright to turn the table to sit side by side (like planks). He doesn't see any problem with it. Neither do the other two people in the cafe. So we make our move and order a dozen sweet & spicy smoked wings...priced at 5 cents less than $11.00.

Were we just hungry or were they really that great? The wings are good. They come with a tasty blue cheese ranch dipping sauce and sticks of celery and carrots. We have high hopes for the rest of what suddenly all comes out at once: our order of half a chicken and a "dinosaur" rib, each with two sides: veggie of the day (broccoli) and onion rings (he wasn't clear I'd be paying more for them); soup of the day (white bean vegetable) and salad (of the end of the day...).

Twitch declares them as voted the best onion rings in the state. I'm moving! The broccoli, actually good. The soup did not seize its day. At all. The salad, we're pretty sure, is the weeds from the parking lot, rinsed and padded with spinach leaves Popeye would be ashamed of. At least the ranch sides with it...

The half chicken must have been a baby. A runt baby. And the cooks felt so bad for it, they didn't want to smother it with any sort of sauce so I'd taste it. The rib is so fatty. Really. So ribs can be. But this one really must have come from an unpopular dinosaur that the other dino-kids teased. For main dishes, these really left us wanting to taste something more: anything at all. (And the bbq sauce. I don't use this word often: yuck.)

Around us, the help take care of us and ask if there is anything we need. Not really able to say, "yeah, better food," we graciously accept the water refills and ask for a to go box for the onion rings left over after I'd eaten only four. My mom likes them. Only, she'll never find out if she does because when we both felt kinda like the food was passing all too fast and went to the bathroom, Twitch threw them away in the whirlwind table clearing contest he must have...with himself. Quick! Have to make room for all. . .those..customers. not coming. Like me. Not coming back.

We pass on dessert. I remember the prices above $5 for each item, which is probably a tiny scoop of their acclaimed Gelato. Bbq and Gelato together? What a spin.

When the check comes it doesn't really hit me that we just spent $50.00 until down the road Ty repeats in disgust "$50.00? We only spent $37.00 at Carrabbas the other night."
"Really?" It dawned.

That was not a $50.00 dinner. It was not a $37.00 dinner. It was not a good dinner.

Spin cafe, eh?
Spin, verb: 1. a sick turning in circles sensation? check. 2. Rotate customers rapidly? check. 3. Take a trip in a motor vehicle? go somewhere else!
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