What is Drastic + Dramatic

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Devil and I

Nothing terrible happened to me today, 6/6/06. Unless you count meeting the Devil as a terrible thing. It wasn't altogether pleasant -- I wouldn't choose for it to happen again. But, I escaped unscathed, so fine enough. Here's how it went:

I'm walking. It's a warm summer day and in the distance roads have puddles of mirage that cars swim through without a splash. I look at this for I rather like to, but it started pulsating like I haven't seen before so I stopped to see if it was my walking that caused it. No.

Like a lump of lava from the bottom of its lamp, a form bulged from the heat into an upright adult figure on the sidewalk before me. I gave it a curious stare and blinked, slowly one eye, then the other. When I snapped them open again it was advancing with a languid motion, enough to make me feel suddenly car sick without moving. He stopped (I could tell now the form was "he" if anything human) and said,
"Good afternoon, I am the Devil."
Good afternoon? What do you say to that?
"Hi," is all I came up with. He still had the look of a comic book fiend, slightly fuzzy around the edges and pouring heat insomuch that he appeared to be shimmering where he stood.
"I am aware that you silly mortals have superstitions with the number 666."
The formality of his matter of fact tone was quite chilly.
"Some do, yes."
"Yes, I know. I thought it would be fun to walk around today, cause a little panic."
As if he was shopping.
"What brings you to Provo...." (Sir? no, I wouldn't go that far.)
"Oh the Mormons, surely. So many around here that believe that I exist. Thought I'd do a little manifesting."
"I'm a mormon."
"Yes, I know."
I thought maybe now his manifesting might involve physical harm and was sorely tempted to see how much get-away time kicking his form might provide me. I imagined, though, that it might be as fruitful as kicking the flames of a fire--the chances were only I'd get hurt.
"So," I'm stalling now. "Does this mean I'm like...possessed if I can see you?"
"Oh, no." He said casually and with a slight hollow chuckle.
"Sweet." Pause. Not much of a conversationalist for how persuasive he's intended to be. I didn't know what to say to the Devil. I'd never thought I'd meet him, ever in person. Sure there's the crap he pulls on me where he's always behind the scenes: "do this, try that." But I mean, what do you say when he's right there in front of you?
"Well, I was on my way to work. I don't want to be late. If you'll excuse me." I said, motioning past him down the sidewalk. No "nice to meet you" would be necessary.
"Sure." He said, moving sideways so I could pass.
A little hesitant to let him out of my sight, I also turned sideways and scuttled past, close to the curb.
"I'll be seeing you." And he more or less evaporated as he walked away.
As warm as 90 degrees can be, my skin rippled as I watched him, glanced all around me and went to work.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Trip to Ohio

My grandpa calls my grandma "Mother." That or Diane. I usually hear the former. It's what she is, ten times over, and a grand one 18 times over, and a greatgrand one twice.

She has nice ankles and great calves. That's kinda weird for me to say, but it's weird for her to have, I say. She hates exercise so she rarely does, but she needs to a bit for her diabetes, ya know. But she has great calves. I got a little jealous seeing them sticking out of her night gown when we got ready for bed. She'd kill me if she knew I was putting this in any place public. When she sees a picture of herself she doesn't like, she tosses it behind the piano. No joke.

We slept three times in motels. Twice on the way there, once on the way back. We difinitely spent more time in the car than out of it last week.

We went to a barbeque an hour round trip. On tuesday we went to a pottery warehouse, an hour there. Afterward we went to Amish country another two hours. We went through Davenport, got pictures with the biggest basket in the world. Amish country was nice. We mostly went for the popcorn. Amazing little tiny "lady finger" popcorn. My mom got 100 pounds of it. yumhundred! We also bought strawberries that kill the dull life instantly. don't know how they did, but did they did. And some fruit turnover pies. Everything should be made by the amish. Let's make an ammendment.

My mom's lame-o van is new and smooth and it always makes me car sick. Two hours back home. But not before we stop about five more times. One stop was the longest covered bridge in ohio. Can't plan a trip anywhere without a dozen unplanned stops. That's just a given. As given as getting a late start every day. Day one we "planned" to leave 2:00pm at the latest. 6:00pm. Not kidding. And anyway, I was feeling unhealthy the whole trip. Car sick for one. Eating fast food for two. Nasty tap water and no water bottles. I almost died. It was humid 90% or more and 80 or 90 degrees along with that. talk about rivers of sweat. go ahead, talk about 'em. could be an interesting conversation in the end.

On Wednesday we went to Cedar Point. Big ol' amusement park on Lake Erie. Also went to the United States' last existing Copper Kettle museum where they still make them by hand. That was such a cool place. Called.....picking & co? or something. Those kettles will cost you a pretty copper penny. a little tiny like 20oz one costs $80 dollars. but it was sweeeeeet! it's hundreds of years old and all that, and there were little trinkets from the first owner's personal life -- flame powered fans, rocking horse, a giant "monkey turning music box" thing, just amazing old things. I loved it. I love stories and each one of those had a great one, I'm sure.

The amusement park was 5 hours round trip. We also went to a lighthouse and a flavored popcorn store. It's weird to taste your "competition" and realize yours is soooo much better. Just in fact, not in my opinion, though both confirm.

My uncle graduated from medical school on Thursday. I am grateful for doctors!!!!!!! He has a devotedly organized wife. Devoted to him, and organization fully. And together they have four interesting adorable kids. Emily
(named after her brilliant foremother-cousin), Lindsey (who spells her name correctly...and infact in a perfect mirror image of the left-to-right version with her left hand. She's ambidexterous. She's a sass, too. fiesty, that one), Jack (named after grandpa, born early/miracle baby, sports fanatic), and Kate (adorable times a million, I'm her favorite).

And anyway, I had a wonderful time in Ohio. Thinking back, I missed water the most. Water, water in the air, everywhere, but not a drop to drink. So, the end.
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