Marriage

Well, most people figure their dad will get married before they will. Today I saw my dad marry Shawna. I'm very happy for him of course and for her, too. They just came together and they go so well together. It was a nice and very casual wedding. We were wearing hawaiian style clothes and leis, and then we had a buffet bbq dinner, and it was the perfect evening. Sometime I think it will be really nice to get married. Preferably before I have kids. But whatever, I'm not picky.

New Age Dating Rules

These are rules I've heard of, seen, experienced, etc. that seem to rule the world of dating or just as general rules. Of course this is not an exhaustive compilation. Please feel free to add other rules, since these days really anyone is free to make them as they please.

Texting:
1. Do not double text before receiving a reply.
2. Guys, do not text a girl until two days after getting her number.
3. Girls, do not text a guy before he texts you if he has your number.
4. Do not text someone who doesn't know you have their number.
5. Do not text what you can't fit in less than three texts.
6. Text when you can't give your full attention to a person, but don't tell them that.
7. When in doubt, don't push send.
8. Do NOT assume that because someone hasn't replied that they don't like you. (But don't rule it out completely, either.)
(Don't forget that assuming in general only makes an ass out of u and me.)
9. If someone only ever replies with a maximum of seven words, they aren't interested in receiving much more than that from you.
10. Emoticons do not clear up much. For example, in a text, "yeah right" can be read approximately 85 different ways. Adding :op or :-) or ;) still reads approximately 85 ways, no matter how many you add.
11. Texts do not clear up much, in general.
12. DTRs should not be texted.
13. Do not text and drive. Drive and drive.
14. Remember if = he and me = of.
15. The after date thank you text. Something about it... Not sure why it's necessary.

Facebook:
1. Do not request a friend that isn't your friend yet that hasn't mentioned to you that they are on facebook.
2. When a person mentions they are on facebook, they want you to look for them.
3. If you have gone on a date with someone...better not to add them as a friend at all, actually.
4. Do not add or even message a friend because you saw them tagged in a friend's picture and you thought they were cute.
5. Do not mix up "what's on your mind" with your reply to what someone wrote on your wall.
6. Do NOT leave yourself logged in and then leave the computer.
7. Don't take quizzes. Just don't. Please.
8. When in a relationship, don't write on each other's walls. If you're away from each other, message or call, or do anything but write on each other's wall. Come on.
9. Remember who your friends are...sometimes one is your mother, or old bishop. Just don't forget who you've added.


MySpace:
1. Did you want a lasting relationship?


Internet dating sites:
1. Meet in public, then release your number if he/she is not insane.
2. Wink, poke, nudge, flirt...if you're lame.
3. Realize it sucks. No one that you think you might be interested in will be interested in you.
4. Don't describe yourself. That's not really who you are. Nor is your picture really doing you justice. Or, it's unjustly representing what you look like in person.
5. If he/she says no, don't push it. We already know you're desperate. You're online.


Craig's List:
1. Are you kidding? Do not use as a dating service. The end.


Twitter:
1. Really? Who cares. If they care that much, they probably live with you already and they don't need to go online for the update.


If you fancy someone, go for it. Worst they can say is no. Well, sometimes it might be worse that they say yes, but you'll never know if you don't try.

And, remember, Edward isn't real.

What's Mine is Yours

I want to care for you when you don't care,
hold you when you're losing grip,
listen when you have nothing to say,
whisper sweetly into your mouth
to give you everything you'll need
to whisper later in my ear.
to press my cheek to yours
when you talk, or chew, or smile;
seal your lips with mine,
hold your hand in mine,
take your hug and give you mine,
sync your gaze to mine,
to breathe your lungs,
trade you hearts
to trace your bones with mine,
to witness as you live
the matrix
of your life becoming mine.

Better than One

Actually what I like most about this pic are the framed double wall hangings. Who really wants to kiss their self anyway? Not I. Not really.

Crackers

You wanted peanut butter
But I could only give you cheese.
You didn't want cheese, just peanut butter.
But peanut butter goes with jelly go on bread.

Sorry, Crackers.
I really do love you
I loved eating you
With cheese.
And cheese, heaven knows,
Is dear to my heart.
But peanut butter goes with jelly go on bread.

You never noticed the cheese I gave.
To you, I only ate ate ate.
You only wanted to be the bread.
But you are Crackers.

I adored every bite,
But for some reason could never try peanut butter.
Maybe it would make me too thirsty.
And peanut butter goes with jelly go on bread.

So you left and I'm sorry.
Sorry for letting you go stale,
Crushing you into fine crumb,
Drowning you in hot and sour soup.
You left
And cheese just isn't the same.

ReWrite Mad Lib

Help me find a more excellent choice of descriptive words. You know what to do. Mad Lib.

The Unfortunate First Impression

1. verb past tense
2. verb past tense
3. adjective
4. verb ending in -ing
5. adjective
6. verb past tense
7. noun
8. verb ending in -ing
9. noun
10. adjective
11. verb past tense
12. verb
13. verb
14. article of clothing
15. adjective
16. verb past tense
17. exclamation
18. verb past tense
19. noun
20. adverb
21. same as 14
22. verb past tense
23. adverb ending in -ly

And now, with the words you have written down you are empowered to help me rewrite the following section of my short story.



Troy’s eyes (1 verb past tense). He lunged forward to try to grab the girl, but it all seemed to happen before he could even move. Her head (2 verb past tense) the (3 adjective) metal barrel and her body fell over the bale of hay, (4 verb ending in –ing) to the ground. The water inside the barrel sloshed out, as he jumped to her side. And somehow, being the (5 adjective) coordinated hero he always seemed to be around any damsel, in any or no distress, he (6 verb past tense) a bit too far, also slamming his shoulder into the barrel. It didn’t hurt, but, it did send the barrel into a lean, almost tipping it over. He reached then, over the girl, to keep it from tipping, but he pulled back on it too hard and the (7 noun) of the water tossed the whole barrel over. Luckily it also tipped toward the unfortunate bale of hay, so instead of (8 verb ending in –ing) the girl, it just soaked her through as its contents emptied on the both of them.
The tirade of curse words came to a (9 noun) as he corrected the barrel at last and realized the girl was still motionless in the (10 adjective) dirt. Her hat had ridden a wave of barrel water about five feet away and her hair (11 verb past tense) around her head.
“Ah, hell.” He knelt down and picked up her head. “Kelli?” he whispered.
No sign of consciousness. He felt her neck and though he was shaking he thought he sensed a pulse. Oh. She was still breathing.
“Thank God. Now what?” He said out loud. “Kelli?” This time a lot louder. Call for help. “Help! Anyone? Hello?” He raised one hand out from under her head to (12 verb) his forehead and noticed his arm was covered in blood.
“Ah, hell no. What do I do?” Kelli didn’t respond, but he was pretty sure, if she had, she would have told him to grab Billy Strait’s truck and (13 verb) her to a hospital. So, that’s what he did. But first he took off his (14 article of clothing) and wrapped it around Kelly’s head like a sloppy turban. He propped her up just a little, against the (15 adjective) bale of hay, made sure she stayed, and ran.
Billy was drunk, as usual.
“Staying in the trailer tonight Billy?” Troy tried to catch his breath to sound casual and did a pretty good job. Billy just (16 verb past tense) from a dark end of his trailer. “Just gonna borrow your truck, K, buddy?” He hardly waited for a reply as he grabbed the keys, let the trailer door slam shut and raced to the truck.
The driver door was jammed shut.
“Ah, (17 exclamation) .” He raced around the hood and opened the passenger door. “Damn door.” He tore back toward the barrel and the hay. . .and Kelli. Dust swirled around him as he (18 verb past tense) the truck to a halt. In the (19 noun) of the headlights he could see she was (20 adverb) as he left her. But his (21 same article of clothing as 14) was already soaked red. Fast as he could, he slipped his arms under hers and dragged her body toward the passenger side of the truck. He noticed her hat on the ground, crouched down and grabbed it, and flung it into the back of the truck. Then he (22 verb past tense) in first, pulling her after him. Putting her head in his lap, he gently shifted the truck into gear as (23 adverb ending in –ly) as he could.

Recipe for Fail-Proof Invisibility

The mad Shientist surveyed for ingredients.
‘Long brown hair, a must.
New in town or bust.
Speaking of bust, a good one of those, please.’
Sensing the surest possibilities
He anxiously began his experiment.

‘Excellent. Here's the fail-proof plan:

Monday: Take brown-eyed short to dinner
Tuesday: Swim with green eyes; she's thinner
Wednesday: Call them both and cuddle with blue-eyed
Thursday: Take tall n' tan girl for a (car) ride
Friday: Call them all, and ask out brown-eyed short again
Saturday: Keep open; further intrigues may begin.

This will reveal that I am a fail-proof man.’

Then one day in this small surveyed town,
Blue-eyed talked to green eyes
Who'd talked to short brown eyes
Who'd seen tall n' tan leaning so far in
To Shim like she was part of his skin.
Fail-proof would now get some of his own.

Monday: leave him knocking at the door
Tuesday: drop him when he asks for more
Wednesday: cuddle with another
Thursday: ask out his brother
Friday: all four show up to watch him squirm
Saturday: let him dangle like a worm.

The dangling Shientist’s disbelief swelled,
His experiment had gone terribly sour.
He was supposed to have retained all the power.
But clearly his theory had all but come true
(That women would crave him and not have a clue
How well his true self unfailingly repelled
Well, everyone).

There are other fish in the ocean
Not sea sick with a false notion
That their particular motion,
Emotion or loco-motion,
Is solely needing devotion
From everyone.

The moral of his story, then
Is if you spread yourself so thin
Perceiving you're made of enough that's divisible
You’ll only successfully end up invisible.

Math is so applicable to life

f is the function for the equation solving for peace.

f(x)= girl - (x)(boy - troubles) ≥ girl (power) / (x)^2 +freedom

find f(hooray) where hooray = xboy

simplify.

question worth ∞ points.....

Must. Write. Something.

I wrote recently on my Dreamastic blog, but still nothing has inspired me to write here on my dearly beloved blog. I could write something about Michael Jackson dying. And Farah Faucett, too. They died the same day, they died looking the same, too, but they died of different causes. But I don't want to write about that.

I don't want to write about my car getting backed into either. Or the fact that I had the stomach flu and went to IHC Urgent Care on Wednesday. It made me miss my first day of math class at UVU that I don't want to talk about either. I started a new short story since I'm avoiding my novel. I don't want to talk about it. I'm ashamed that I neglect my novel. I know it needs care and attention.... I did sealings at the temple on Friday. The lady in there with me must have really wanted to talk to someone. She talked to me in the dressing room after our sealing session. I found out that she had two dead husbands, that her sister or someone had married and it was hard for the daughter and she met a lady that married a man and he was dead now and his funeral was the next day but she wouldn't go since she was going to go visit a friend and it was interesting that she had been in the same sealing session as those two younger men -- neither of whom were married ;) ;) ;)-- since she knew them from somewhere before. They weren't married, either of them, had she mentioned that? I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't even really know what she was talking about, but oh well. I listened....

Ah ha. I want to write about the barn cake that Mom and I built for our John Deere-loving friend, Jay. So beautiful. The cake, that is.... Don't believe me? See for yourself.





Now what did I tell you? Beautiful.

About Time

Where does the time go?

Father said it follows him everywhere, that's where.
Mother told me, Time returns to the dirt.
The King sang as his hips swang. "Time goes by so slowly...time can do so much."
The Queen sent me away, "Busy busy, work work!"
The Sisters bowed their heads for all eternity, so I never got their answer.
Big Brother said, Don't worry where the time goes, it's taken care of.
I asked the Man in the moon, he yawned and phased the other way.
I peered behind the Calendar.
I watched my watch.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days; time goes many ways.
Wrinkles, heartbeats, memories; time goes through me.