Where does the time go?
Father said it follows him everywhere, that's where.
Mother told me, Time returns to the dirt.
The King sang as his hips swang. "Time goes by so slowly...time can do so much."
The Queen sent me away, "Busy busy, work work!"
The Sisters bowed their heads for all eternity, so I never got their answer.
Big Brother said, Don't worry where the time goes, it's taken care of.
I asked the Man in the moon, he yawned and phased the other way.
I peered behind the Calendar.
I watched my watch.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days; time goes many ways.
Wrinkles, heartbeats, memories; time goes through me.
7 comments:
Very nice little text about Time, extremely enjoyable in our world where everything evolves around it (and not money ;). Why the impulse to write about it ?
Really nice poem. I feel terrible saying this but I think you should lose the last line, it ends more obliquely on the 'time goes many ways' bit, and lets the reader finish that last bit. (hope that comes across as merely an idea!)
I did a bit of poetry myself at university, but sadly have all but lost all of my work when my old laptop died, but recently have been toying with the idea of emailing my old tutor and asking if he still has any.
BTW, found your blog via your comment on awkward family photos. fyi
jokshrew, I just felt like it'd been a while since I had written something, so I threw this out. :) Thanks for reading.
Dan, nice to have your visit. :) I understand what you mean...I thought about actually deleting "time goes many ways" and have the end like this:
Seconds, minutes, hours, days;
Wrinkles, heart beats, memories;
Time goes through me.
Or something like that. Good feedback anyway. I totally understand about losing a bunch of writing. I had emailed myself a bunch of files I didn't have hard copies of and lost the email account. That stinks!! Sorry about that. But just go write something better now! :)
Yeah, awkward family photos...haha funny how that works
Well as it happens I did email my tutor and he is searching for them - fingers crossed - if he gets them for me I might well started posting a few of my own / start writing new material (can you call it material?)
Yes that reworking is good too.
I'm sure there are several awkward family photos in every families albums.
Good one M, you have a gift.
"The King sang as his hips swang"
"peeled a page"
"time goes through me"
A. these are my fave. love 'em.
B. I agree with and therefore disagree with Dan. "time goes many ways" seems free, ambiguous. Which is why I disagree that the poem should end there. I like to follow the poets path and see where they've been. I don't like it so much when they abandon the trail and leave me to find my own way home. The last line is more conclusive, feels finished. I like it. But I would never have liked it so much if Dan's insight didn't lead me to mine. love it.
I'm glad you could have that little adventure, Jake! :) I'm glad you liked it. But if you don't like something, feel free not to have to defend me. :)
Post a Comment