What is Drastic + Dramatic

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Real Life is Too Much

I got home from working out probably too hard and fast and I changed my clothes. My sister called out to me, "Emily, I have something to show you." I followed after her but stayed in the kitchen as she went to the garage and rummaged through an apple box. She pulled out two brown, long things and the first thing that came to my mind was yams. I thought she had some prize long, skinny yams she wanted to show me. Random, yes, but nothing could prepare me for the shock as she cried out "Deer legs!" like we were starving castaways about to stew the last of Earth's protein. She held them into the light so I could quease better -- er, uh see better and recounted the where-the-red-fern-grows story of a disemboweled deer running around BYU campus, adding emphasis when needed with hoof motions as her hands were correspondingly occupied. The severed tendons would bulge in and out of the fur as the hoof hopelessly waved at me, a motion like an unconscious drunk on a rollercoaster. At one point, fascinated with her own strange luck at being the recipient of two deer legs, she clicked the exposed bones together and said too honestly, "Em, when I watched them saw the head off I almost lost it." All I could do was hyperventilate and hold the bridge of my nose. Give me a break! I just worked out. Imagine what could be done with two legs of a deer...nightmares tonight


Anonymous said...

This one time at band camp... no really, I found a bird foot. it was soooo cool! I clamped it onto this girls hair by pulling the tendons, and she had no idea! She walked around all day and even to the final band camp dinner and still didn't have a clue! It was pretty much the best day of my life, ever!

thebigjuicy said...

Now if you had a myspace account there would be people standing in line(not literally)to leave comments on all of your wonderfull stories.
p.s. Those hooves are pretty disgusting

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