What I am

I am a dead end for forwarded e-mails. If the e-mail says make a wish, I make a terribly unhappy wish and then, when I don't forward the e-mail, my wish thankfully doesn't come true. If it threatens to cause something terrible in my day I delete it. First of all, it can't do anything, it's a stupid e-mail. But if it's not even there, it surely can't do anything; it was a stupid e-mail. If it says I'll discover my true love or a hilarious pop up will show when I forward it (IT WORKS!!!!!!! I WAS SO AMAZED!!!!) I delete it because I shudder with how stupid it is. Wouldn't you forward it, see this amazing thing and then have to send again an e-mail saying it worked? It's just dumb. I'm plagued with forward e-mails from my sisters. If it's a "fill out 100 stupid questions so I can get to know you better" from my sisters usually I'll humor them by replying, because I'm stinking gut-bustingly clever when I reply to those. Well, my sisters think so. And that's all that matters, because they're the only ones that get the e-mail. Examples? OKAY!

Breanne, don't you already know EVERYTHING about me?
>
>1)Your full name- Emily Wemily Bemily Femily Fairchild (I had it
>legally changed in Alaska)
>
>3)Age- 21
>4)Zodiac Sign- Gemni
>
>5)Height- 6'2"
>6)Where were you born- T******, Ca****** (Edited so no one online can more easily stalk me)
>
>7)What are you afraid of- chain mail from my sister!!!!

.........

11)Where do you see yourself 5 years down the road- how many miles
>you can walk in five years=where I see myself down the road in five
>years
>
>12)Do you plan to go to college- yes
>
>13)Do you plan to get married- it's what I live for

........

24)Do you collect anything- I collect dust, chain e-mail from my
>sister and love notes
>
>25)Do you like to party- only in November through October
>
>26)Do you have any piersings- first of all, it's spelled piercings,
>and second, yes, I have two
>
>27)If you were to run away, name 3 things in your room you woulld
>take with you. My journals, my alligator, and then I'd double check
>in Breanne's room for any other valuables I need to take back to my
>room first and then take them with me as I run away.
>
>33)Have you ever been in a physical fight- at least a hundred times
>that I've won
>
>35)Have you ever came close to dieing- first of all, it's spelled
>dying, and second, you'd say come, and third, yes. Wait, maybe. I don't know.
>
>36)Have you ever went swimming in an ocean- Argh, FIRST of all, it's
>said 'have you ever GONE swimming' and second, yes, I have.

........So you can tell by now that a third grader started this chain e-mail, grammar+spelling mistakes galore.

38)Do you have a secret you have told?- what, you want me to tell
>you, too? I usually keep secrets pretty well. So feel free to tell
>me and the spreading of secrets will most likely halt once you do.
>ta ta....
>
>39)Have you ever cried during a movie- ....oh wait, I'm still here.
>more questions to answer so that you know me better and better. I've
>cried in just about every movie I watch. I even cried in Little
>Mermaid once!
>
>40)Have you ever been on stage- yah, I can't say I like it much. I'm
>too tall
>
>41)Have you ever had the chicken pox- yes
>
>42)Have you ever had stitches- I think this question should be
>re-written like this: "Have you ever had THE stitches" and that way
>it sound more like a disease, like THE chicken pox. No, I've never
>had the stitches
>
>43)Have you ever broken anything- Oh my gosh, yes. I broke my mom's
>favorite glass bowl once. I broke a dozen of my little glass
>figurines I used to collect. I've broken boys' hearts, I've broken
>many things electric, I've broken lots of things

.......Then they ask your favorite:

50)drink- alcohol
>
>51)alcholic drink- oh, now you ask

57)Favorite person to talk to- myself, is my
>answer. Hey, good answer, Self! Thanks, Self! You're the best! No
>you're the best! Okay, okay, WE'RE the best!
>
>59)Website- http://happydramasticdays.blogspot.com

;)

.......Then they ask to know if I believe in:

77)Santa- no, I don't believe in fat, jolly old men surrounded by
>elves. sorry. But I do believe in reindeer.
>
>78)Ghost- the movie?
>
>79)angels- oh yeah
>
>80)saton/demonds- saton? Satan, maybe? Demons maybe? yes, I do
>believe in Satan.
>82)Do you wish on stars- No, do they wish on me? Probably.

.......
>110)Can you juggle- no, but when I run or jump or something of the
>like I can jiggle! :)
>
>That's the end? what a way to end


I like any chance to be clever. Being clever is one of the best feelings, I think. Then I feel the best kind of smart there is: funny-smart.

I work for UPS

And as my brother and I drive around (he drives and I run the packages to your doors) I see a lot of houses. There are a lot of neat houses in Lehi, UT. A lot of dogs, too. I hate little dogs. I have such an itch to kick them but I don't do it. Even though I don't wear a uniform since the one they ordered for me was so way too big, I represent UPS and I just can't kick the dogs.

I see a lot of Christmas decorations, too. What's with the inflatable snowmen, polar bears, penguins, santas, grinches and now snow globes? I noticed them the first time 3 or 4 years ago and I thought they were stupid and ugly then and I'm disappointed to see more as years pass. When morning comes they're crumpled and airless on the deadish grass. I've nearly killed myself on the little ropes they are staked down with as I deliver packages. (Working for UPS as a driver helper takes precise skills and muscles, just like I have. That's why I have the job. It's a rare job; only three weeks out of the year can anyone be a driver helper. And not just anyone, remember. You must have surprising agility and near anti-gravity balance. I haven't fallen (I'm not going to put 'yet') and today I even balanced 1 of 4 packages on my head from the truck to the door step. Surely you see what I mean, you must be a rare, lucky specimen to be a UPS driver helper).

Well, today, as I was working hard, sitting in the jump seat as my brother drove like a maniac I saw someone who took lazy too far. I'm lazy and understand most laziness, but this is just....unforgivable. All I'm going to say is: this home had in its front window, insufficiently (half-should-have-been-whole-ly) hidden by curtains, an inflatable Christmas tree. I can't express to you my disappointment, so I won't try.